Thursday, May 06, 2010

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me

We've been together almost 8 years. And I spent the last few months questioning whether I still belonged in this life we're living. I think it's called seven year itch. Only I wasn't itchy so much as irritable. All the little faults that for years were just something that came with the guy I loved more than anything, suddenly became unbearable. Everything glared at me. And I seethed. I desperately tried to reconnect. I cried. I imagined myself leaving. None of it I wanted to live at all.

And then I was sitting around a fire with family and I looked into his eyes and they were the eyes I first got lost in. They smiled back at me. They always do. In fact, I thought about how he never ever complains about my faults. He sees me as the only girl in the world. And I was ashamed of myself.

When we decided we wanted to live together, I told him I didn't want to live with anyone without marriage. It wasn't a moral thing. It was a security thing. I had spent six years raising a boy by myself, and it had been tough and extremely lonely at times. I wanted assurances that he was going to be the kind of guy to make the promise and mean it. So he did, gladly. And he is the kind of guy to mean it.

I thought about that and I realized that I wasn't giving him the same security back by letting small things question my place in our marriage. So I concentrated each day since then on all the things that I love about him. And all those stupid faults faded into the background where they belong.

And I'm happy.