Thursday, August 18, 2011


I have definitive proof that technological devices are actually zombies:

1.  they decay faster than they regenerate

2.  their two main goals are to eat or keep going

3.  they eat brains

Monday, August 15, 2011

When the going gets tough

What do you do in the face of adversity?

I bake.  Over the last six months, I have baked countless batches of cookies, cinnamon rolls, zucchini bread, homemade breads, pies, cobblers, you name it. I probably could have salted everything with my tears - there's a Like Water for Chocolate moment for you.

I clean.  You should see my house.  Not only have I been cleaning and organizing, but I've been repairing walls and painting too.  Don't get me wrong, the house is still old and in need of tons of repair, but at least it has shiny surfaces and neat closets.

My husband and I quote movies.  We laughingly say that movie quotes got us through.  Whenever we're feeling especially unglued, we start quoting our favorite funny lines from movies.  Some of our best pick me ups:
       "Prepare to die obviously!" - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
       "With wove, twue wove" - The Princess Bride
       "There is some blue sky, let us chase it!" - Sense and Sensibility
       "I'm not going into the toilet. I'm going into show business!" - The Producers
       "If I am wrong, and I am never wrong." - The Princess Bride
       "Never go in against a Sicilian, especially when death is on the line." - The Princess Bride
       "But it's a talking dog!" - Up
       "Scott Pilgrim (or insert other name like our own) you have earned the power of love!" - Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
       "Light bulb." - Despicable Me
       "We have to get out of here before they eat Guy." - Galaxy Quest
       "I don't even have a last name!" "You have a last name Guy." "Do I? Do I?" - Galaxy Quest

And lastly I sing. Very badly. Very off key. But I sing and it makes me feel free somehow.  I started out listening to the saddest songs including a lot of Damien Rice.  Then I made my Happy Songs playlist
and the sun started showing up in the kitchen.  Thank goodness my family loves me as much as they do, putting up with my out of tune embrace of life.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Pie Dreams

Craft Magazine just tweeted about hosting pie throwing parties, which reminded me of my dream last night.  I dreamt I was going to throw a pie in someone's face, but not just any pie.  I had a table full of different pies and I meticulously poured over each one making sure I chose exactly the right pie as the person waited patiently for me to prepare to pie him.  I don't even remember who the person was.

I wonder how Freudian this might be?

When you think about it, we associate pie in face as a joke, a lighthearted act of backwards camaraderie.  However, if you considered the actual ramifications of being the pie-er or the pie-ee, either way, it could be construed as rather passive aggressive.  You know how some psycho-professionals (not the kind that go postal, the kind that help the postal) say that expressing your anger is important, sometimes they even say having anger at all is important to your health?  I agree.  When we do not get angry, we do not protect ourselves.  I have lived this phenomenon for years.  In reality I was angry, but had trained myself for so long not to feel it that I would blatantly allow downright hurtful actions to be hurled at me.  When I finally figured out how to be angry without losing control, I began to understand the need to protect myself.  What surprises me to this day is how long that road has been.  At least 8 years, and I'm still working on it.

Back to the pie throwing and the healthy anger association.  I was thinking how insidious passive aggressive anger is.  I had flashed a thought wondering if passive aggressive could be healthy in any way, but analyzing it brings no discernible argument in its favor.  Passive aggressive is meant to be hurtful, I believe.  It is a sneaky way of jabbing at someone or something.  We all do it, on some level.  Too bad we don't have some phenomenon for being passive cheerful.  Then again, outright cheerful would be preferable anyways.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Many Happy Returns

After a long hiatus, I have decided to return.

I've had the worst year of my life this year. Honestly. And yet, I am happy, probably happier than ever. I've learned that every moment counts, every person I love is precious, and being an active member of the world going on outside my door is a must. I have largely shed my fear of people. I understand choosing happiness now. It doesn't mean I have to always be happy, it means I am always actively seeking that state. There are legitimate circumstances in life that will rob us of happiness, prevent it completely. But these forces cannot keep up their influence forever unless we allow them to. Not an easy battle, defeating the dark side, but absolutely possible. I've always believed in being a pillar of strength, protector for my children. That has been tested to its limit this year. At this point, I dubiously quote a former President, "Bring it on." I can't imagine it getting any worse, truly. I don't intend to either. I want my children to look back on the events that we've lived through and remember me as the bull-headed, smiling, singing, loving mother that got them through.

On the sunnier side of the street, my husband has a new job he is happily anticipating. The relief of his stress levels has brought a warmth back to this house that we've missed for two years now. We are growing and it comforts me to know it. An indication we are alive and kicking.

I'm not sure I'll have much more of weight to say here (then again I'm not sure I won't either). However, for what it's worth, I'd love to say something anyways. I have missed the uncertainty, the exhilaration of sending my voice out into the everywhere and waiting to see what pops into view. And though I guard my poetry mostly for publishing these days, I think I'll be offering it up again here. I miss sharing that too.

I've sensed a falling away of the blogging world. It has been gobbled up largely by a social media which I admit I frequent. But I believe the blog world still holds great value and I hope there are others still lurking around this place with the same feeling.