Friday, December 28, 2012

Pins for end of December 2012

My biggest Pinboard yet I think.  Tons of fun, geeky things.  Bookish things.  Food.  Furniture to sink, seriously sink in to.  Some gorgeous ladies rockin' their age.  Some inspirational art.  Go enjoy.  I'll see you in the new year!

(just click on the photo to get to the whole Pinterest board)


Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Holidays and Zombies




Due to holiday festivities, I will be gone from this space for a few days.  I am having the most glorious time with my family.  I've even had a dream that I was a zombie sniper in the zombie apocalypse.  That's what I call a great vacation.  =)

Happy Holidays!

(new poem and video to come when I return)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

New Exercise Regime

I have a new exercise program.  I have to say it's easy, cheap and already I can feel the effects.  I must share it with you.

You will need plenty of layers of warm clothes.
Dress yourself well, don't worry about being too hot.  In fact, you might even want to include those little pouches of hand warmers in layers of mittens and boots.
Next, take a snow shovel.  Maybe two.
Go outside.  Start shovelling.  Use a large bucket shovel like this one:

to lift large quantities of snow and carry it outside of your driveway area, preferably in the street in front of your house away from the side where the street plow will arrive.  Use a scraping shovel like this one:

to scoot even more snow down your driveway into nice big piles of the white s***.  Then get your bucket shovel and start moving big amounts again.  You'll begin to sweat at this point.  That's a good thing.  Also, if you swear a lot, that's a good thing too.  It does nothing toward weight loss or muscle building, but it feels great to throw a few f-bombs at the piles of cr** you're moving.  If you get snow blowing in your eyes, just keep going.  When you are done, go inside, take off all your wet clothes and change into dry comfortable clothing.  Make yourself a gigantic mug of hot chocolate and pile it up with a ton of whipped cream.  Don't worry about the calories, you just worked off that mug and 100 more at least.  In fact, forget about worrying about calories, weight or BMI.  Screw those skinny models, they've got nothing on you.  You just shoveled a half ton of snow.  Try that b****es!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Getting Pinned and a word for Poetry Friday

I've got two weeks worth of Pins for ya.

First up was the week of December 3rd.  I had a rather Star Warsy week that week.  But I think my favorite Pin from that week is the cover Pin shown below.  I do love Poppets. (remember just click the picture and it will take you to the whole board for the week.)



As for the week of December 10th, it was a slower week.  But it has a couple of great Big Bang Theory pics, among other things.



Wanna do a Poetry Friday this week?  I'm figuring next week won't be very conducive to poetry posts, it being Christmas week and all.  So let's give it one last bang for this week.  In fact, that's a great word: BANG.  There you have it.







Monday, December 17, 2012

Enfolded into Geekdom




I recently watched this YouTube video by the Black Nerd.  In short, he is 'ranting' about guys who try to make a girl prove she is a geek or who like to dismiss girls as ever being able to be a gamer or a geek.  It's an excellent little video, if you have time, check it out.

Something he said struck a chord with me.  He mentions that the geek relationships you see that really work are because the guy either never questioned the girl's geekiness or if she wasn't a geek to begin with, he happily shared that with her and she grew to be one.  Of course, this goes both ways I'm sure.  There are most likely many cases of girl geeks who bring guys into the fold.

I am sort of an in betweener.  I was a fledgling geek when my husband and I met.  After we married and over the span of our ten years together, he has brought me deeper and deeper into the fold.  For instance, I never used to analyze movies as I watched them.  But now, I have moments like last night.  When watching Chain Reaction, Keanu Reeves was in a stairwell going up to find where the bad guys were.  He knew they had guns.  I said, "Man, stairs are a bad tactical place to be."  My husband just about cried.  Later in the movie, Keanu knocks the valve off of a hydrogen tank to get it to blast toward a large slab of cement.  When using the axe, he and his cohort put a shirt over the head before swinging the blow.  My husband asked if I knew why they used the shirt.  "To prevent a spark," I said.  Again with the happy tears.  I have to credit that one with Mythbusters I think.  In any case, not that any of this proves my geekiness.  It proves I've learned a ton of cool stuff by proxy of being married to a guy who is into that kind of thing.

But this brings me to another thought.  That geekdom comes in so many forms you couldn't possibly 'test' anyone about their status in it.  For instance, there are movie geeks, gamer geeks, board game geeks, comic book geeks, computer programmer geeks, I could go on and on.  I think being a geek is mostly about passion for things that challenge the brain in whatever form interests you.  So, whatever you're drawn to, go be geeky about it!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Poetry Friday - Moss








First Loss

Dropped amongst the dampened mosses
forsaken to the autumn frost
a treasure, mourned its leap from pocket
and sought
through panicked tears.
A story of the wisened
in the summers of that briefest time
to lament a tree with limbs
which beckoned to be climbed.
His first lesson of death and loss,
those harsh unbiased teachers,
to dispense how grief
will wax and linger
even in the grayest years.

Monday, December 03, 2012

Pins and Poetry

I've been a little gone from this space.  We had Thanksgiving and then I got lost in space finishing my edits on the novel.  I'm so excited.  We're just so close from being ready to publish.  Then again, as this is our first time for everything, the things we have left to do could end up taking exorbitant amounts of time to do.  I doubt it though.  In any case, until then, there is this space and poetry and stories.

First, the Pins for this week.  My board for this week is meager.  But, it exists so there you are.  Just click on the picture to get there.


I miss the poetry.  Shall we dig back in this week?  I think to give even more lead time, I'll throw a word at you today.  Oh my, breaking with tradition.  

We just watched Brave this past weekend.  Well, to be honest, I watched it three times.  I love the lilty sound of the Scottish accent, and the film itself is gorgeous.  One thing you'll notice immediately is how much green the film has.  In the special features, they had footage of the team visiting Scotland and all of the scenery is truly, amazingly green.  In fact, it impressed me so much that I'll tell you a little story.  My husband and I were dreaming of having 10 books published.  He said, when you publish your 10th book, we'll buy you a new car.  Frankly, I'm no car person.  To me they are necessary evils.  Even if we had a purely electric car, it is still a car and they are never, ever an investment.  Sooo, I countered, "Instead of a car, on the 10th book published I want a nice bottle of champagne and a trip to Europe."  So, we have an agreement and I will hold him to it.  Heh.  I was, by the way, thinking of all that green in Scotland when I said that and maybe that's where we'll fly off to in celebration of that 10th book.  In honor of Scotland and my husband agreeing to take me somewhere fabulous, the word for this week is MOSS, as in, all the mossy greens of Scotland.  

Don't forget, Friday, post up a poem, story, art, anything you like that refers to MOSS.  Then drop back here or my Facebook page to share your link so everyone can see!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

No Implosions Allowed

I'm so close to having my editing pass done on my book.  So close.  Right now the count is 23 pages left.  Of course for every 10 pages I edit, I seem to add 2.  Which feels wrong.  I thought I'd be cutting it down.  Here's the thing.  I did a lot of cutting and rearranging in the first half of the book, but the second half, well that half just had a lot of things missing, thus the adding in.  When writing the book, (this happened on the second book I wrote too) as I got nearer and nearer to the end it felt like the whole story was crashing in to the end too fast.  Now I can see why.  It's not that I tried to rush myself.  It's that so many elements come together in the end and as they collide and culminate, the story itself starts to implode.  Not in a bad way.  More in a "Hurray, we made it to the resolution of the story!" way.  But as I write the ending, more and more elements that are in my head do not make it to the page.  Though, at the time, I thought they did.  Now that we've gone back and studied the story critically it was easy to see that many things I thought I'd written had stayed lodged in my noggin.  That brings me back to my current editing state.  So close to being done.  But I can't let the story rush this time, I have to be methodical and careful.  So close.

Here are some pins from last week.  There are a few geeky t-shirts.  One teacher's very clever assignment: Angry Verbs.  Reindeer beer.  Some jokes.  Chinese space children.  Seriously.  And have you heard that saying, "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus"?  Well there's a news clipping in there where that originated.  I hadn't known that one and found it intriguing.  Just click on the picture and Enjoy!


Thursday, November 22, 2012

It's Turkey Day!

found at Catch My Party

In a streak of tradition, I will share what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for being in a kooky family who don't mind acting silly, spontaneous outbreaks of song in my home, super friends online and in real life, the turkey fryer, the large hadron collider and rovers on Mars, the number Pi, the love of my life Phillipe, geeky children, the equilibrium I receive from my daily dose of caffeine, a lack of uterus and other female parts,  the opportunity to follow my dream of writing novels, poetry and the fact that I'm here in the world every day watching the beauty of imperfection in all of us.  Stay true.  Double true.  And don't forget to eat pie.

found at Girl to Mom 





Monday, November 19, 2012

Pins for the Past Three Weeks

Well I haven't posted my Pins and Pearls for a few weeks now.  I'm going to put up the links to my Pinboards but I'm skipping the Pearls this time.  I'm thinking of dropping the Pearls all together.  Let me know what you think.  I realize there are only a couple of people posting comments right now, but if there are more of you coming in and you'd like the Pearls to stay, say something!  I will listen.  But if not, I'll drop it because it is time consuming and I would like to make the poetry and writing more of a priority if possible.  In any case, Pins are staying because Pinterest is like crack, am I right?

Here are the Pinboards for the past three weeks:

Week of October 29th:


Week of November 5th:


Week of November 12th:


Have fun!



Monday, November 05, 2012

A buyer's manifesto aka Get with the times



To all retailers:

1. You must, MUST,  have an online presence which does not mean a Facebook page.  You should have your own URL and a fully user friendly experience website.  When I say user friendly, I am referring to the fact that your site should not be a one page fop virtually gilded with flashy crap only to give your address and a plea for me to visit you in person.  I want to know a little about your store, I want to feel the atmosphere of it online which should always be customer centric and I want to be engaged in the buying experience by being informed about  your products and prices.

2. That brings me to my next point.  I will not even consider buying from you unless you are willing to show me your prices.  I will not come in to your store in person to find out.  I can easily find someone else who is willing to show their prices and entice me into their store.  When you refuse to show your prices, I assume you've got something to hide, as in you are over priced.  If you give me any BS notes like 'Price available in store' or 'we can't quote prices due to differences in areas' or 'In store purchase only' then forget it, I won't consider buying from you.

3.  Give me pictures!  How am I supposed to judge the quality of your products if you won't take the time to have pictures of those products posted?  When I say pictures, I mean proper, professional photos that are in focus and actually informative.  For instance, if your product comes in more than one color, for God's sake show me the colors and if at all possible show me the product in those colors - all of them.

4.  If you do not sell online then you'd better have a darn good customer experience for me in person.  This means I want to enjoy shopping there.  I want to be enticed in with atmosphere, a lifestyle sort of thing, or at the very least a wide selection and friendly service.  This cannot be emphasized enough: friendly, helpful service.  Don't hard sell me, and don't disdain me.  I am the customer, my money is your goal.  If you want me to part with it then you'd better treat me right.

In case you've been holed up in your warehouse for the last decade and are unaware of the emergence of a phenomenon called the internet, let me elucidate its place in your business.  Buyers now have information at their fingertips at any time of day and often have the ability to buy what they want, from anywhere, at any hour through this tool.  What does this mean for you?  You'd better be there, waiting for buyers and you'd better know how to appeal to them because they can easily find the same thing you sell in either a better price or more convenient manner than yours unless you're willing to find out about your competition and formulate a plan to entice those buyers to you.  The world has changed my friend and you'd better be ready to change with it or get left in the dust.  You cannot complain about the death of local stores if you're not even fighting for your life.  As a buyer, my first step in any purchase is to look online.  I will spend my precious time on my computer before going out in my car and driving around to get what I want.  So if you want me to end up driving to your store, then I'd better be able to see what I'm driving there for before I even get in my car.  I would add that I strongly urge you to check out sites like Pinterest and Etsy to see trends in markets.  I would further add it wouldn't hurt you to check hashtags that pertain to your business in Twitter.  And lastly, if nothing else, look up your competition and see what they are doing and don't just glaze over it, check it thoroughly.  They may have the same or even higher prices than you but if their shipping is faster or cheaper you might still have a problem.  How is their site run?  Is it easy to purchase something?  Do the products have customer ratings and reviews?  Are the items fully described?  Are manuals downloadable - for free of course?  Is there a customer service experience that is easy and approachable?  How are customers allowed to pay for the items?

Do your research and I cannot iterate enough: Get Online!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pins Pearls Words Words Words

So I hadn't had a chance to post up the Pins and Pearls for this week.  Plus we'll be needing a word for Poetry Friday too.

In Pins we've got some geekery, some craftiness, chocolate chip cookie cups (OMG yes!) and a really disgusting Halloween costume.  Come take a look.  Just click on the picture to port yourself over to my Pinterest board for the week:




And in Pearls:


photo and original site: http://www.pintsizeproductions.com/

orignal website address: http://thecareyadventures.com/blog/

___________________________________________________

We bought apples at the farmer's market over the past weekend.  They were honeycrisp apples and let me tell you, eating one plain is like having dessert.  We used most of them to make applesauce.  It is heavenly and has this lovely pink hue.  However, my children have informed me that they do not like applesauce.  What???  What kid doesn't like applesauce?  Apparently I have not one, but two of the only kids in the world that don't.  How'd I get so lucky?  So I'm planning to make a bunch of cakes with applesauce in them.  Kids - go figure.

For this Friday, in honor of my silly children and the beautiful applesauce that we made but they refuse to eat, we'll use the word SAUCE.  Whip up something fun for Friday!


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Poetry Friday - Shed



What's Left

He comes at you in fits and starts
dragging an ankle
changing the angle of his head
as though he could force
you into focus.
He seems to hold
some recollection of you.
You can see his hair
has fled and
the repulsive way
his skin peels and sheds.
You can change the image
to the man you knew before.
How once he loved you
and trust came implicitly, and yet
it cannot fully erase
his current intent to chomp at your flesh.
You raise the barrel
of the long steel that has now
become your inseparable lover.
You cradle it into you, whisper
your new-found trust and
gently squeeze its trigger.
Down goes the man of your dreams
twitching the last of
what's left of who he was.
You stuff your heart in your pocket
and don't forget the double tap.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Just a Word




I've been trying to think of something to say today.  I hate to dash in, drop a word in your lap and high-tail it out.  But I simply can't think of a thing to say.  How does that happen?  How does anyone go through a day and have so little of interest happen that they have nothing to say?  It just happens.

Still we need a word for Friday and I'm already a day late.  I'm late I'm late I'm late.  No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late I'm late I'm late.

Let's get poetical this week with the word...SHED.  As in we keep the rakes to rake all these leaves in the shed.  Or, it's that time of year again, the dog is shedding.  Or, oh the tears we shed.  Yes - SHED.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Pins and Pearls Week of October 8, 2012

In Pins this week you'll find some fun costume ideas, plenty of geekery and a cute cat picture because everyone loves cute cat pictures, am I right?

Click the picture to go check it all out:


And in Pearls:

Photo and recipe originally found at http://www.redbarncandlecompany.com


Photo and tutorial originally found at: sewlikemymom.com

And a tutorial for sewing a Rapunzel wig.

Happy Pinning and Pearling this week!



Friday, October 12, 2012

Shadow Monsters





Shadow Monsters

Shadow monsters are all I have.
Imaginary Rorschach blots
to understand the thing.
I'm too far away to examine
your x-rays or
speak to the guy that saw it lodged in you.
My friendly enemy, distance,
protects me and keeps me separate.
I have articles riddled with
technical lingo.
I have phone conversations of
We'll be positive, and
I don't know, and
The doctor thinks.
I have these moments of utter silence in
a world receded so far
I cannot hear the tiny voices
calling me back, chaining me to each day
one dinner at a time
away from the battlefront.
I have this blanket of thick dark
to burrow under and wish within.
I have this mental picture of you
and the blisters on your feet
and the swollen leg
and the hair that's gone
and the way you smile in spite of it all.


Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Pins and Pearls week of October 1, 2012 and a word for Poetry Friday

I promised Pins and Pearls today. This past week I went a bit Pearl crazy but slowed on the Pins. Click the image to see my pin board for this past week:


Pearls for the week included:

I found this place called foldable.me where you can make an avatar of yourself and they will send you a cardboard of it and then you put it together to make a little you.

Or how about these lovely labels from Martha Stewart's site you can download and put on your wine bottles for hostess gifts this holiday season?

I found a board game review website which is rather fun called the Shut Up and Sit Down.
To visit their site directly go to http://www.shutupshow.com/ or click the pic to go to the Pearl.


And lastly I love this website by Ana White (http://ana-white.com/).  She builds furniture, gives great tutorials and has tons and tons of free plans.



After all that, we need a word for this week's Poetry Friday.  I'm still in a Halloween mood, so let's use the word CHAIN or CHAINS.

Happy Pinning and Pearling!






Monday, October 08, 2012

I have a surprise for Poetry Friday!

I made a video for Poetry Friday.  Below the video I've printed the actual poem.  Check back tomorrow for this week's Pins and Pearls and a word for this Friday's poems!




Indecision

Desperation seeps in
on the morning smog
smashing into my shelter
where the tears of ghosts stain my window
and the marrow goes cold.
Indecision, a petrifying foe.
There is sedition in
the ranks of my strength:
confidence cowered away
self-assurance unhinged and trembled
courage
courage fully betrayed
groveling on the floor
begging for sanctuary behind convenient
pillars of panic and passive inertia.
This killing is quiet.
Softly was beaten by a stick.
The slow melt into
the crack and groan of weakened bones
the agonizing slide
the free-hang over and
clambering to. To emerge
triumphant
would require a backbone
where atrophy set in.
To reach
always it's about the reach.
To concoct a refurbished future
somehow a fresh foot in. 

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

A Poem, Pins, Pearls and a Word

'Lucy you got some splainin' to do!' - actually I won't bore you with explanations but I do have some catchin' up to do, so here goes.  First the poem.  Last week's word was screen.  This image of a toddler face bathed in sunlight behind a screen door had been floating around in my head but the words to go with it wouldn't come out of hiding.  I have vivid memories of summer vacations and playing with my cousins at my grandparent's house.  Perhaps the words wouldn't come because memories can obscure what I want to say with too much emotion.  Sometimes it's like that.















Summer

Sun filters through screen where
a toddler face, watermelon sticky,
peers out into the unreachable world.
Longer legs traipse through, streaming
words behind them as they go.
Banging door creaks.
Inside means cookies, outside
freedom.


I have a ton of Pins in my board this week.  Check it out:


And here are a couple of Pearls for this week:

Betty Crocker had a post about making mini pies like pot pies and then freezing them for later.  Looks convenient.

Also I found this recipe for Long Boy Burgers which we tried out last night.  We liked them but wished for more saucy flavor.  Next time we will add jalapenos or extra sauces like bbq or maybe even salsa.


And of course there's Poetry Friday for this week.  Let's get a little Halloween spirit started for this month and use the word GHOST.



Thursday, September 27, 2012

Apparently this is my rant week



Dear Pinners,

I've noticed something showing up on Pinterest more and more and it bothers me.  We see stick thin models in magazines all over the place.  Our daughters are growing up inundated with the idea that no meat on our bones is a good thing.  Frankly, I think it's ugly.  I think the female form is beautiful with curves and softness to it.  That's my opinion.  But here's the thing, our girls don't need this belief that extreme thin is healthy or pretty.  They need to be able to appreciate themselves as they are and in the healthiest form.  While we cannot physically change the photos put in magazines and ads, we can change that in Pinterest because we are Pinterest.  So I'd like to ask two things of you.  First, please don't post those types of pictures up.  Pick pictures of healthy models.  They exist.  Second, please refrain from repinning or leaving comments like, "This is beautiful!" on pins with stick models.  I realize many times the comment is meant for the clothes or shoes shown, but a young girl's perception is going to take the whole image as the desired look.

Sincerely,
Lynnea

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Geek Rant and Poetry Friday Word

Did you know that Android leads in market share for smart phones?  Check out these three links for starters.

Com Score Data Mine

Digital Trends

Nielsen Blog

My question then is, why are new technologies and apps so often only made for iOS, or at least made for it first?  Where are the Android apps and technologies?  And why in the world is Android lagging so far behind in market share for tablets?  Before you inundate me with slams about how much Android stuff there is out there, I will say I do know they exist.  Maybe I need to expand my sources for reading and learning about new technologies.  But honestly, I'm sure you've seen how often while reading about a new microphone for example, is all great but oh guess what?  It was made to work with iPhone and iPad and your Mac.  I don't have a Mac.  I probably never will after the patent fiasco that Apple pulled.  I love my Samsung Galaxy phone and I would like to get an Android tablet too.  But I want to be able to use the cool new stuff on them.  Just go to the major stores for computer and tech gear and notice how the menus read: iPads and other Tablets.  What?  Or: iPhones, Smart phones.  Huh?  How come Apple products get separate and top billing?  Where are the Android marketers for the top sharer in the market?  Fleh.  That's what I say.  I want to see more products made to work with Android first.  Get to it.


Quote of the day:

G, my 7 yo son:  "Most of all, geeks love bacon, LEGOs and electronics." - Bacon people, bacon!


Poetry Friday word:

SCREEN     (don't ask me why, just because it popped in my head)

Monday, September 10, 2012

Pins and Pearls week of September 2, 2012

Hey I made Pins and Pearls this week. (Actually Pins and Pearl - no 's' because well, because).

Lots of fun geeky t-shirts in this week's Pinboard.  Check those and the LEGO love out:



And here is my one Pearl to share this week:


This is a cool website called Superhero Nation which delves into writing with all kinds of great articles about character development, plot, good action scenes, writer's block and also many articles specifically about writing superheroes.  All of it great fun.


Also if you didn't catch it already, I actually put a poem, albeit rhymey and silly, up this past weekend.  It's just below this post.  Go, go now.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Poetry Friday on Sunday

Before I begin my poem I'd just like to say one thing.  No one ever said Poetry Friday had to always be a deep peer into the questions of life.  Ahem.
The word for Friday was Cheesy.  Here we go....



Ode to the Cheesy Puff

Your neon orange infused crunch
coats my fingers to the touch.
Popping you in whole,
rolling you across the tongue
leaching your coating to my soul, I
forget all that Paleo, Athens, Southern Beaches
mastication incarceration.
I'll fight for my dusted wormy love
to the bitter end of obscene
then pop them in again
and lick my fingers clean.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Just a note I know that Athens isn't a real diet, I was being obscure)

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Poetry Friday Word

photo courtesy of:  http://www.toasto.com/free-photos/food-and-drink/drinks/row-of-espresso-coffee-cups/ 

My husband and I just finished our first collaborative pass of editing on one of my books.  In three days.  It was intense and creative and fun.  He  has boosted my confidence in my storytelling and we've noted exciting changes that should make this book a raucous adventure and we weeded out the cheesy.
                                --me cheesy?  Somehow it crept in.  Actually I know how.  I wanted to keep writing and my inability to continue while something or someone remains unnamed slowed me down so that I quickly gave stupid names that coincided with their purpose or talent.  In short, cheesy.

I hadn't expected working on my writing with my husband to be so much fun.  As many artists, I can be touchy about criticism, though I get better at it by the day.  In this case, he and I had a lot of laughs over my mistakes and we experienced great moments of brainstorm that infused us with the fervor equivalent to many cups of good coffee taken in succession.  (The many cups of coffee we drank didn't hurt either.)

Now that I'm all fired up, let's do some poetry this week!  Ooh, let's use the word cheesy.  That could throw us into many arenas of thought.  See you on Friday for the Poetry Friday!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Poetry Friday Word

We need a word for this week.  Last week was tough and I was in a mood if you couldn't tell.  This week I think I'll try to lighten things up a bit.  Let's see, things that have a light-hearted vibe.  You know what makes me smile?  Table Top with Wil Wheaton on the Geek and Sundry channel on Youtube.  If you haven't watched it before you should go.  I never thought watching other people playing board games could be so, so hilarious.  Let's see, board game, space, geek, video, what could we use?  I know!  Let's use the word fiasco.  It's related, trust me.  Go figure it out.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Poetry Friday - Stampede


image found at www.goodwp.com

Drawn and Quartered

These are my days
when everything makes me cry.
The stampede of sky bearing down
on the loneliness of trees.
The weight of silence in the din of living.
My mind is drawn and quartered
sectioned off and scattered wide.
My people are taking their leave of life.
I stand crumbling.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

We're having a tidal heat wave

photo found at  http://www.scenicreflections.com

It is a rare summer when I utter words like, "wish it were over".  This summer has been nearly unbearable.  We've had high temperatures at wilting amounts of humidity, and it remained consistently so throughout most of the summer.  Generally in Quebec we suffer one or two weeks of heat wave.  This summer we enjoyed one or two weeks of non-heat wave.  Last year was not much better.  If this keeps up we're going to give in to the idea of air conditioning.  Truthfully, we already have, it's our budget holding us back.  Often this summer I have imagined our world here in the north if over time, global warming would turn this place into a tropics.  How would our lives change?  What would happen with the native foliage and fauna?  What new things would move in?  It's an interesting what if.

On another note I watched two documentaries recently: Maxed Out and Freakonomics.  Both of which transfixed me and fed into my stores of what if ideas for writing.  I would have never thought of documentaries as creative fodder but now I'm so thrilled by this discovery, I'm thinking of going on a documentary rampage.  I heard about a documentary called Queen of Versailles by Lauren Greenfield that I'm itching to see.  If you haven't seen or heard of it, it's about a billionaire couple building the largest house in America and what happens when the economic downfall affects their finances.  It was described as a rags to riches to rags story.  What I found interesting was, in the interview with Lauren Greenfield, it became apparent that this family were extravagantly ridiculous with their money and yet she described them as down to earth and underneath it all sort of regular 'Joe' type of people.  I'll have to wait till it shows up in iTunes, twiddling thumbs, waiting waiting waiting.  Has anyone watched any fascinating documentaries lately?


Also, today is Tuesday which means we should have a word for Friday and I'm just hoping I'll be inspired to actually do something this time.  Ugh, I hate when I'm sapped of my creative juices.  Blame the summer.  Right now, the word rampage has planted an image of a stampede in my head and I think that's a fun image.  So let's use the word STAMPEDE for Poetry Friday.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 3 (Final)

Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 1
Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 2

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Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 3

For three weeks, after breakfast, we'd saunter off to the back garden and check its progress. She was impressed. She thought I should bring the doctor to show him. I don't want to. He could come here anytime he wants. Anyways, I don't trust he'll appreciate this. It will only look therapeutic to him. Clinical.
She hasn't been here for three days. I'm having a hard time focusing. I can't get into the garden. The door is locked. I've looked through the windows and it beckons. But I can't open the damn door. I've told the doctor, but he seems to have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm losing my reasons for being awake.
I’m back in my garden, but this time there are no husbands, just green all around me. The sun shines in that happy color-crayon kind of way. The warmth of it makes my insides tingle. I feel young. I'm planting basil. I pinch off a leaf and press it to my nose. I think of fresh pesto over sun-dried tomatoes and pasta. A bird comes to perch on my shoulder. I tell it how I've missed being in this garden. He leans in, “We've missed you too.” How strange. I look all about me and see that decay has crept in. There are weeds to be pulled, tree branches to be hauled away, the bird feeder is out of seeds. I sigh, he's right. I should have taken care of this. “I'm sorry”. The words are barely audible. He just smiles. I think he forgives me.
I wake up. No restraints. Yesterday was OK. Today feels the same. She hasn't been back and I'm beginning to believe she was either a figment of my imagination, or the doctor sent her away. I'm not sure which is worse: delusions or paranoia. I turn to swing my legs down and put my slippers on. I've taken to refusing to dress. What's the point? No one sees me. I am one speck in a pool of little specks, all moaning in their own personal agonies. Why should I dress for the doctor? Screw him. Screw the clothes. Screw this blandness. I turn back into the bed and fall asleep. What more is there for me now?
Nurse Sour is here. I'm feeling a little confused.
What happened to Nurse Monroe?”
Nurse who?” She smiles like she's enjoying this. “Having lovely dreams are we?”
What? I don't, uh,” I grab my head, there is a sudden sharp pain searing through my right temple. I slump back onto the bed. The room swirls then goes blank.
When I woke, I knew what I had to do. I would get up and go to that door and see my plants growing. I'd know I wasn't crazy. I dressed today. It took some time. I skipped breakfast. Who cares about that? When I reached the door, I tried it just in case. No use. I press my nose to the glass and cup my hands over my brow. I see decrepit pansies and daisies. Even the plants are depressed here. I can see where I planted the basil and oregano, the dirt has been stirred, I'm sure of it. But there are no plants here that were mine. There are wet spots forming at the bottom of my eyes. I can't stop them. Weakness makes me sick. I wipe the offenders away, stiffen my back and march back to my room. Sleep. I have a garden. It can't be ruined by anyone. I need to dream.
My mind is toying with me again. Deceiving me into thinking sleep is a relief. The fire is there again. It is so hot my skin begins to blister. I think I can hear him screaming from inside the house. I try to run in, but they hold me back. I'm fighting them, pushing pushing. I cannot get to my screaming husband. I run away in repulsion. There is a tree down the block, I stop there. I can't go any further, I vomit.
My room stinks. I think I was sick. They should clean it better. I can't recall yesterday. My wrists hurt. It reminds me of my second husband.
I think I'm done. I dig into the fern's soil. Pull out as many of those pills I can find. I think of a song I once knew, about wanting to be sedated. The pills are covered in soil. They taste like home.

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You might also like: Divine Pi

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 2

To read the first part, go to Where the Flowers Are Few - Part 1

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I slowly breathe in. “Do you have apples? Fresh fruit?”
She smiles at me. I am astonished. I think I like this new nurse.
I'll go look. I'll be back as soon as I can.”
I nod and wait. I'm glancing around the room at the other poor souls here, gulping down this crap. Ten minutes pass. I am starting to feel tense. Maybe she forgot about me. Maybe it was a trick. Maybe I should just wander back to my room. Then I see her. She's wearing a huge smile on her face and holding a peach in her hand. My mouth waters.
This is from my lunch,” she whispers, “I picked it this morning.”
I think I must have found the little heaven in this place. She is the first refreshing thing that's happened to me in years. I thank her at least three times to be sure she knows how grateful I feel. She thanks me for eating. How odd.
Something pulls me from my slumber. I have no restraints. I smell the farmer's market, full of naturally sweet and earthy scents. I open my eyes to find that I am not at the farmer's market, I am in the very room I fell asleep in. This constant ache of a chamber. But I can still smell fruits. I turn over to the bedside table. A glorious basket of fresh fruit with a card sits there. I open the card.
'Just between us, I don't like the food either. ~AM'
Who the heck is that? Then I remember the nurse. I close my eyes and remember every detail of yesterday. The peach, her smile, her name tag. Nurse Monroe. I'm feeling hopeful that I will stay out of the dreams now that I have things to look forward to. Fresh fruit, and oh look at this, a wheel of cheese tucked down in there.
My eyes are bright. I can feel it. When the doctor comes in he mentions it. I tell him I like that new nurse I met. She was nice to me. He nods. I think he feels hopeful too.
No restraints again today. I have a little skip in my steps ambling toward the dining hall. She's been joining me at my table every day now for a week. We eat a little and talk a lot.
The doctor told me we could do something special for you. It was my idea. After breakfast I'll show you.”
You're not going to make me to knit potholders are you? Or do those stupid paint by number things?”
Don't roll your eyes. Of course not. Trust me, you'll like this.”
There's nothing to like here,” my sourness blunders out. Her face betrays my callousness. I feel dark and empty inside.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.”
I understand. Don't worry about it.”
Thanks.”
As we drop our garbage, she seems giddy. I'm wondering if this is something she will like more than me. That's my selfish side coming out again. Trusting is not in my nature anymore. I have made up my mind to like whatever it is at least for her sake. I can't lose the one friend I've made in decades over selfish pride. I smile and follow after her at my usual seventy-year-old pace.
We pass Nurse Sour. Her name tag reads Nurse Sorenson. I think she must have been born with a screwed up face. She once forced me to take some meds. I ended up in restraints the next day, but the shiner I gave her made me smile. I'm glad I can remember this. Now, I have a deal with the fern in my room. He saves me from her stupefying meds and I sneak him sugar packets.
Nurse Monroe opens the door to the back garden. It's pathetic really, a few white daisies, some annual pansies, but nothing of effort has been done here. I sigh. She turns and laughs.
I thought you'd feel that way. It's not much huh?”
That's an understatement honey.”
Come,” she's coaxing me now. I follow her and she shows me a cart full of tools, gloves, and seeds. Packets and packets of wonderful seeds.
I think you could make something better of this area, couldn't you?”
You better believe it.”
Now, if you need any heavy work done, let me know. I've got a good strong guy in maintenance who agreed to help out.”
You thought of everything.”
Have fun.” With that, she left, promising to check back in an hour. I could have spent the entire day there. She came to take me back after the hour. She said I had an appointment with the doctor. I forgot, of course. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Short Story

Here's another short story I wrote a while back.  It's rather long for a blog post so I will break this into three segments but I promise to post up the other two segments next week.  It's called:







Where the Flowers Are Few




I'm running. My eyes sting. Cackling, malicious flames devour. I search the spectators for my husband, I never find him. I'm always searching for him, even though I know he won't be there.
The only thing left of that life stood green and defiant despite the charred edges. I walk into my garden, feel the coolness of the soil and wonder if it has the right to be so, if my feet should guiltlessly enjoy the soothing chill.
They never said what started it. He was declared dead, but they couldn’t confirm it. Shrouded in my grief, I stayed. The house was rebuilt. My life never found that satisfaction.
No restraints this morning. My wrists are bruised. It reminds me of my second husband. I sit and turn to the barred window, stare into vicious sunlight. Nothing wants me anymore. The garden is gone. The house is not mine. All the realizations of morning assault me once again. The doctor won't like me sitting here like this. He won't be happy with the dream either. He believes I need to let go. It's been forty years to the day since he died. It's been two years to the day I moved in here and started dying. I think the doctor has no right to decide what I do with my memories. He talks about choices. He's never had to choose between love and pain, self and happiness, violence and grief. He cannot understand these are not obvious choices, and I cannot explain it to him.
Days have no distinctness here. The sky may be blue, but life is a constant hue, dull and menacing. There are no people left to visit me. Perhaps not having children was the wrong choice in light of my situation, but then, I wasn't thinking about old age when I decided that. I've survived this far, I remind myself.
It doesn't work.
It used to. I once could rouse my spirits to boldness and charge into dark places, but now I have no motivation to. I wonder how I can have such lucid days and forget so many others. Maybe they're right, maybe I want to be lost.
I woke up today with the restraints on again. I don't remember yesterday. I'm tired. I want to walk. Inertia pushes me back into my dreams. I find the garden by the rebuilt house. I like this dream. I am digging in the soil with bare hands. The invisible wall around the garden fends off intruders. They are both stranded there. My first husband feverishly pounding against the wall. My second husband stands there with clenched fists. Neither of them can reach me with their pain. I am glad of it and ignore them. I talk to my seedlings and bees and birds. Making things grow is the only thing that makes sense. I've always wanted to nurture things into life.
They both wanted kids. I did with my first husband. We produced none because we decided to wait. Things interfered too quickly. One year we were making ends meet, and the next we started trying. In the end, that last year he was gone. Without a child already seeded in me, there would be none for us.
As for the second, he cajoled, begged, demanded, even tried to force the issue. What he failed to realize was that no matter what he could do to me, he could not make it happen without my permission. In the end though, I won out. I was more resourceful than he expected. So there never was to be a seed within me. I stuck to the seeds I planted myself.

I'm sitting at a table with a plate of repulsive food before me. How can they serve this slop? I push it away. I'm not hungry. The nurse approaches.
You need to eat. You're losing too much weight.”
I know she means well and she's right, but this stuff won't do any good.
I can't eat this.”
Why? There must be something you like. Did you look at everything?”
Yes I did. Of course I did. I've told you people time and again that this isn't food. It's some kind of metamorphosed chemical compound made to look like food that came out of a box. It's not food, I want food.”
This is all we have. You need to eat something.”
I know where this will go. I can feel the agitation starting in me. That little pit stirring, waiting to expand into stubborn fury. She backs off a little. I relax my shoulders. I don't want to end up in restraints, or worse, forgetting today. I hate forgetting. It hurts. That's the intrinsic problem with life. It hurts to remember and it hurts to forget. Purgatory.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Pins and Pearls Week of July 9, 2012

For this week's Pins and Pearls I've got a regular smorgasbord.  In Pins this week you'll find Fall fashions for this year, Ame-Comi comic figurines, a quilt inspiration, Christmas decor inspirations, giant googly eyes, some organization tips and a Poppet.  See what I mean?


As for my Pearls, let's start with a video by Pixar:



Then we have a camping recipe for Potato Boat Dinners found at Echoes of Laughter:



A mexican metal tooling art project to make with kids by Restoration Place:



And now we need a word for this Friday's Poetry Friday posts.  Hmmm.  Given that we've been suffering a heat wave of monumental proportions - at least it feels that way when you have no air-conditioner - let's use the word HEAT.  Now to hope for inspiration to hit this week, I hate it when I go blank.  Happy Pinning and Pearling!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Poetry Friday - Neat

Photo found here:  http://hopeforthesold.com/if-new-years-was-a-blank-page/ 


I'll be perfectly honest.  I'm completely stumped.  I mean nothing, nada, nill, nunca, rien.  I could possibly, maybe post a poem at a later date if something pops in my head to at least start one, but for now, nothing.  This is I believe the first time I've been this blocked, and I chose the word! (Shaking head).


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Chaos is Creeping Up Behind Me

photo found at fr.wikipedia.org

Coming back from vacation often throws me into disarray.  If I'm being honest however, I would say I've been in disarray for a little over a year now, coinciding with a traumatic experience we had.  I've got piles of things that need to be sorted and donated, I've got boxes set aside I have no idea what's in them.  My normal mode tends on the desire to be highly organized resulting in semi-organized to well-organized.  Right now, I'd say I'm bordering on chaos.  I need to reign it in but it feels overwhelming just to look at it.  I know I should ask for help but I don't really know who to ask.  Then again, I could do this myself, I'm sure of it.  I just need to get started.  Doing the bare minimum is no longer acceptable to me, it never was but I was dealing with things enough at the time.  I can forgive myself for getting this far, I think, but can I whip this into order again?  I truly hope so.

I'm a list maker, planner.  Well more like simulator as my husband points out.  I picture my goal in every detail and then try to head that way.  Usually I dive in without making a plan, just the picture simulation I've made and a list or two.  This time I'd like to marry the two and add proper planning in.  I think I will do this:

Start in the worst room, the scariest one.  Clean it one section at a time until finished - whether that takes one hour, one day or I have to do it in stints over the course of a few days.  Just do it till it's finished.  Then, I will move to the next scariest room and so on.  Alleviating the worst of it first so that each subsequent room will feel less and less difficult.  I will keep up with the everyday cleaning to my best for now, not worrying about deep cleaning until the rooms are organized and neat.  Then I will shine this place up and step back and admire.  After that, it's time to keep up with it.  This time around I will enlist my children to do their part more actively.  I know you're probably not that interested in this little (actually kind of big) problem of mine, but putting it here commits me more to the plan.

So, I raise my glass of fresh juice and say, "Here's to getting started!"


P.S. Poetry Friday this week, we'll use the word:  NEAT.